It’s amazing what happens when you realise that you need a complete 180 in life. The emotions that you feel, you realise that you have a weight on your shoulders that you finally noticed. You never did realise what it was that was weighing you down. You just know you felt stuck, unable to move forward, and you never could figure out what was the reasoning for it.
I recently figured this out, I was stuck in a dead end job working for a company that had no advancement potential in any near future. I was also plauged with a manager who clearly had some issues with certain people and pretty much constantly was trying to get them to quit by making them feel that they were going to be fired any day. It isn’t a good feeling to think that every single day your job was in jeopardy. The constant fear that you could do anything to screw things up and not knowing what it would be. Walking on eggshells in hopes that you would have your job the next day. No one should ever have to live their life like that. Wondering if you should speak up to the inequalities that go on in the work place because you fear that you will lose your job, or it will affect you negatively in potential employment in the future. No one should have to deal with that.
I am just happy I am finally free from such and can now focus on making something of myself.
I am often asked what kind of photography I like to shoot, and for that, I usually answer, nature photography. When I am asked why I prefer nature photography, I always answer with “because nature doesn’t pose.” Now this answer isn’t fully true, because nature does pose, but when I talk about posing in pictures, I really am talking about the true nature of the photo. When you take a picture of nature, what you take is exactly what you see. When you take a picture of people socializing, the people will typically pose for the picture, stripping the true emotion and essence out of the photo. The smiles tend to be forced, and you can sometimes see the awkward positioning that comes with each posed photo. Some people genuinely don’t wish to be next to the person they are next to and it will just create a tension in the photo. In some situations, that can be a good thing, when you are trying to capture an awkward moment, but those tend to be few and far between.
If I take a picture I want to see the joy that goes on between people as if I am not actually there. I don’t want to stand out with the camera, because then you always get just the façade, never the truth. This is why I loved shooting doing the photoshoot with my friends the other day. Their personality and relationship is one where it just flows. It is clear to see this from the photos in each one they are truly enjoying themselves. Throughout the whole shoot I just talked with them, joked with them, and took pictures when I thought it was appropriate.
Without further adieu I present a selection of my favourite photo’s from that photoshoot.
It’s is amazing to me what a camera can do for me. It also is a shame that I lost all that I used to do in terms of photography. Back when I was really into photography I took pictures left and right, you would never see me without a camera. For the past 5 years now though, I was often seen without a camera, I just didn’t seem to care.
From 2000 to 2004, I would estimate that I took somewhere around 7000 photos. That may not be that much for some photographers, but I was never in the professional level, for me it was always a hobby. Alas from 2004 to 2009, I only took around 2000 photos. This is quite a change for me, because I always felt at home behind a camera lens. For me photography is a way to see the world as it should be seen, the true emotions captured on film, and I am the conductor, I have control over that. When life itself has spiraled out of control, I at least know I can still control what I see and how others view it.
For a backstory on my photography, it really all started with a really old Nikon Point and Shoot 35 mm camera, a Nikon L44. This camera was given to me by my grandmother when I was visiting florida back in 6th grade. It was then when I started taking a photography course (the only one I ever took) in middle school. In 7th grade, I took a picture, and this was the picture that started everything. This picture, won 1st place in all of Baltimore County, and 2nd place in all of Maryland for Black and White Life Studies. The picture was a total fluke accident, I was taking a picture of my dog after she had just ate a bird, and I snapped this, sheer fluke. It was at that point, I realised just how amazing photography can be.
My next camera was a Nikon 4004 my parents old SLR (Single Lens Reflex) that they had since they had been married, I was the one who inherited it, and I put it through it’s paces. It was with that camera that I learned how to roll my own black and white film, and learned more about composing the proper shot. I used this camera for a good 2 or so years before the Nikon N80 was about to be released. I was quite excited about this camera for all the features that it did have to offer (in hidesight, when I look at the features that Digital SLR’s have nowadays it seems so trivial.) I was so excited I called up Coopers Camera shop every single day hoping to find out if they had the camera in stock. One day I stopped in with my mother to get some more film, and the Nikon Representative was at the store with a couple N80’s that he was able to sell. I begged and pleaded with my mother to let me buy the camera and she let me. I was one of the first people on the east coast to ever own an N80. I probably took a good 2000 pictures with that camera, including shooting a Bat Mitzvah and a Birthday Party.
Alas as time went on, I realised just how expensive film processing was, and my film based photography started to die off. It just wasn’t cost effective. I kept telling myself that I wanted to get into Digital Photography, but it was never cost effective. I simply did not have enough liquid cash to purchase a new camera for myself. It was around 2004 when this realisation happened, right when I moved to Florida. It was at this point that my photography started to teeter off. Sure I had point and shoot digital camera’s but they never accomplished what I really wanted, a large sturdy camera to be able to take photos, near and far with fully manual abilities, and fine tuning over every little aspect of the photo. They did accomplish tasks of making it easier to carry a camera with me and documenting the small acts in life, but it was like trying to use a pea to cork a wine bottle, it just never would work. There was a giant hole in my life that was missing and over time, I forgot what filled that hole.
Lately I came to the conclusion that I needed to find what will fill that hole, and make me more complete, and it was with much thought process that I realised what was missing. I decided by my birthday of 2010 I would have myself a new DSLR to utilise. I was on a phone call with a customer while teaching him about Aperture and Raw file formats when I brought up my desire to buy a DSLR by my birthday. It was mentioned in passing and nothing else was brought up about it. Later in the lesson, he commented on how he had multiple DSLR’s. I asked just how many he had, and as he was counting them he mentioned that he was going to mail me one for the holidays, just as a gift, no questions asked. Clearly I was floored, I didn’t know what to say, or how to show my appreciation, here is a customer who has no obligation to provide me with anything at all, who is just going to give me a Camera for the holiday’s. Now I have my chance to fully get back into my photography and I couldn’t be more thankful for such.
So I’m finally getting back into my photography, I recently received a Canon EOS-1D Mark II and a Sigma 105 MM macro lens, so taking advantage of these is my priority right now. Here are some pictures that I have recently taken.
So I have a fear of needles, now before anyone says anything, I know most people have a fear of needles, but mine I suspect is quite worse than most. It all goes back to when I was still in college at Drexel, I decided to donate blood because it’s the right thing to do. I went in, started donating blood, and all of a sudden, halfway through the procedure, the fire alarm went off. Now naturally I asked if I should get up and we can continue afterwards, the Phlebotomists said, no lift your legs, 30 seconds later they said “pump your fist fast while lifting your legs.” This goes on and on for about 10 more minutes as they try to rush me to finish. Apparently they found out it was a fire drill going on, but neglected to actually inform me.
Once I was done, they instructed me to stand up as soon as I was done, no fruit juice, no cookies, no crackers, I stood up thinking I was fine, and suddenly felt lightheaded. Next thing I know things start to go black and I pass out. According to the Phlebotomist I yelled out “TIMBER” as I fell to the ground. I woke up 2 minutes later perfectly fine, but with my blood pressure recovering from being bottomed out. Ever since then, any needle sends me over the cliff of panic.
Today, I had to go get part of my toenail removed due to a bad infection from an ingrown. I went in and sat in the chair, and the injections begin. My podiatrist knows my phobia and issues well so she uses a cold spray to numb the skin before the needle is actually used. It’s a good thing too because She gave me about 30+ injections. I was panicking slightly at that point slightly sweating, but holding things together for the most part. I asked about what they were doing after they started removing the nail, and that was when all hell broke loose for me. I saw one of the needles sticking out of my skin and all of a sudden, I started shaking all over, I felt a tingling sensation in my fingers and toes, and my stomach was tingling as well. In the end this panic attack lasted about 30 minutes, which was the longest 30 minutes of my life, I would probably have to say, I had no control over myself but I was so panicked I couldn’t stop shaking at all. In the end, I’m all sliced and diced on my toes and now the recovery beings.
I at least made myself feel better with my Berry Pizza that I made once I arrived home, that and wine solve everything!
So I’ve been on a pizza craze lately and then realized I have neglected my webpage/blog for the longest time. Would help if I actually had the motivation to write, but that’s a different story.
So today I was at publix and decided I wanted to make a pizza before work, I decided against a premade pizza and went totally original, I picked up Cantelope, Dill, Sweet Onions, Green Onions and Garlic. It sounds weird when you think about it, but the flavours totally mesh up perfectly and create a great harmony.
The Cantelope when cooked sweetens up even more, and works perfectly with the mild bitterness that comes from the onions. The Dill adds a fantastic extra dimension to the pizza a little extra pep in the step, to completely transform it into something out of this world. All in all, a fantastic idea for the pizza, and I can’t wait to design more in the future.
Cantelope, Dill, Sweet Onion, Green Onion Pizza, YUM
So I was home and decided I wanted to cook some Andouille Sausage for lunch. But I didn’t want to do just that, I had to kick it up a notch, so I started up the stove, added a splash of sake, and Oregano, and then let it cook. I felt the smell was missing something so I went even farther, added a capful of lemonjuice, a capful of Terriyaki and a quarter cap of soy sauce. I let it cook for about 5 minutes, and I have to say, quite an amazing taste, with the spice of the Andouille Chicken Sausage and the sweetness of the soy and terriyaki, it’s an amazing combination. Anyone out there have any home devised recipe’s they would like to share?
So it’s Passover time, thus I am heading home to Baltimore for the 2 Seders. So I arrive at the airport about 2 and a half hours ahead of time and go to the park and save. Now I didn’t realize just how far away the park and save actually is….it is a good 20 minutes away from the airport, in the middle of nowhere…..and I even saw a gunrack on a volkswagon. I didn’t think I had traveled that deep into redneck country, but apparently…I DID!
Then I get to the airport, and boy oh boy, that’s where the fun starts. You see security really just SUCKS, I have travelled before with a knife in my carryons that I just forgot, and this is post 9-11. So today I go up to security, take my belt off, and anything that would set off the machine. I leave my watch and necklace on because well, they have never set off the machine, Silver and Titanium, the metal detector doesn’t actually catch that….GREAT! So I’m walking through the machine and well BAM! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…..”Sir did you forget any metal objects?” Cue me taking off the watch and necklace, Walk through again! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…”Sir I need you to step over here”….GREAT! So I go into the screening area, and the Guard has me sit down, checks the bottom of my feet, and begins to wand me. Goes over me 4 fucking times with the wand, trying to find out what the hell could be setting off the machine, the only possibility is my zipper, but the wand never goes off over my zipper. Then the patdowns begin….OH JOY! Nothing I love better than getting patted down. In the end, the security guard has no fucking clue what set off the machine, sends me on my way, and then I get questioned by all the other TSA guards on what actually set it off. I feel GREAT now!
I never actually thought that I would be wanting to get an HDTV. Whenever I watched tv on standard def, and never saw any issues with it, I watched HDTV in the past and never was wowed…..in reality, I think it was the cost that offset everything. The sheer cost of an HDTV compared to a SDTV was rediculous. That is until I won an HDTV in a raffle. Now I have the desire to buy another, so I can have one for when people come over to watch, and one for my bedroom. In reality the idea of HDTV is not for the TV, but in reality, it’s the ability to hook up my computer to such. When you combine my computer with an Elgato EyeTV and the TV itself….it becomes a totally different beast, especially with the inclusion of the best Universal remote I have ever used, the Logitech Harmony. It’s quite amusing the new desire I have for TV quality and features….then again, who can argue with a 32+ inch Monitor?
So I realized, it’s actually quite amusing, a while back I had a livejournal. Now, in that livejournal I would write whatever I wanted about my feelings because no one knew my real name, I never wrote about politics or technology or any of my ideas because it was just a place to vent.
I have abandoned livejournal and switched over to this and shockingly I can’t find much to write about. In reality it’s because it’s my own personal domain, thus it has a tracer back to me, that and who really wants to hear me complain about random life bullshit anyways, that’s what livejournal is for in the first place….it’s a place for the emo to complain anonymously. I just find it amusing that I would have no issue talking about any issue in my livejournal yet as soon as I have my own website I clam up like nothing else.
